At times the parts of the child’s inner world that needs the most understanding, nurture and care can be parts that a child is extremely fearful of connecting with. This can present in a variety of different ways that they have developed to protect and keep themselves safe. Sometimes in sessions, I have found myself searching for different ways to provide safety within this connection, that does not feel in any way intrusive and always being driven at a pace that the child feels comfortable with.
One of the ways that I have found that supports this connection is through the use of therapeutic story telling. This wonderful method, allows you to reach a child’s inner needs whilst being at a safe enough distance for them to bear. There are many themes that can fill a therapeutic story such as; poor sense of identity, difficulties with emotional regulation, attachment etc.
When writing a therapeutic story, I always keep in mind the reasons behind the story and what message I am wanting the child to hear. The child also needs to feel a connection towards the character(s).
When writing a therapeutic story, I usually write it with three things in mind;
- enabling connection with the child’s inner world and how they currently view themselves, others and the world around them,
- highlighting the child’s resilience, character and protective factors,
- guiding the story towards hope and the ability to move forward in promoting a more positive view of the way the child sees themselves, others and the world around them
The story below was written for adopted and looked after children who carry a lot of self-blame around their early life experiences. This might be that the child feels that there is something ‘different’ about them or that the reasons their early care needs were not met is down to them being ‘bad’. I want to promote the child’s resilience and belief in their bravery via their survival and adaptation of their coping mechanisms (developed in order to make their world safe for them). I also aim to show hope through developing a trust in the care and nurture of others.
The Brave Little Tree
This is a story about one of the bravest trees that I have ever met. The story began a few years ago now when this particular tree was first planted along with all the other trees. This tree was the last to be planted and was placed in the middle of a huge field.
Now, this field was right at the end of the land and sadly had nobody living near it so it looked a little bit overgrown and uncared for. Even though this happened, our brave little tree was still able to grow but it was really hard for him. One day when he was looking around at the other trees he thought to himself that he didn’t look the same as them and that his branches weren’t as big or as strong. This made our tree very sad and he would sometimes be unkind to himself, by calling himself names because he felt he wasn’t as good as the other trees.
One day our tree was visited by a bird called Robin. Robin went to land on one of the tree’s branches but realised that they were too weak to carry him so he perched next to him instead, as he didn’t want to frighten him.
‘Hello’ Robin said.
The tree said nothing back.
‘What’s your name?’
The tree still said nothing back.
At first Robin thought that this was really strange as when she had spoken to the other trees they had all talked back to her. But what Robin hadn’t realised straight away was that no one had ever spoken to the tree, so the tree hadn’t known what to do and it had made him feel really scared inside.
Robin did a lot of thinking about the tree and continued to visit him every day, saying hello and asking him his name. Sometimes Robin’s friends would ask her why she bothered visiting the tree when he never spoke back to her and some were a little unkind and called the tree names. Robin continued to tell her friends that she believed in the tree and had a feeling that if she kept going to see him, one day he might feel safe enough to talk.
Robin kept visiting the tree for lots of months and then one day just as she was about to leave she heard a very quiet voice saying ‘hello.’ Robin thought she had imagined it at first but then she heard it again and sure enough it was the tree that had said hello! Robin was very excited, she quickly turned around and flew a little closer to the tree.
‘Hello’ said Robin.
‘Hello’ the tree said back.
‘What is your name?’ robin asked.
‘I’m not sure? No one has ever given me a name’.
Robin thought that this was really sad and wanted to help the tree so she spent most of the day there and promised to come back and see him the following day.
When Robin arrived the next day, she found the tree crying.
‘Why are you crying?’ asked Robin
The tree looked up and asked her…
‘Robin, why am I different to the other trees? they all look happy. They have big strong branches with lots of green things on them and they have lots of different animals wanting to live near them. I was planted the same way and have roots just like them but I’m just useless! What have I done wrong?!’
Now, Robin was very wise and explained to the tree…
‘There is absolutely nothing the matter with you and you are not useless! You just haven’t been given the same care as them which was certainly NOT your fault!’
The tree was really shocked and confused by this and said
‘Of course, I have! We were all planted at the same time and the same way. It’s me you see, there’s something wrong with me!’
‘Yes, you’re right about being planted the same way but that’s not all you need to grow! Look around at the other trees…. have you noticed that they all have houses with people living near them? And, their fields, look how different theirs are to yours.’
The brave tree had never noticed this before, he had only seen what was different about him, not the other things around him. He asked Robin what this had to do with him growing.
Robin explained
‘Growing isn’t just about being planted. Young trees need to be looked after every day. They need lots of things to help them grow like water, food and sunshine. This is where the humans that live in the houses help. They make sure that trees are given a drink each day by watering them. They cut down the branches around them to make sure the tree isn’t always in the shade so that the sunshine will see it. They also make sure that its roots are under the ground to get the right food from the soil. By doing this for the tree they are giving them the most important things to help them grow.’
‘What’s that?’ the tree asked.
‘LOVE and CARE’ Robin replied
And in that very moment it all became clear for the tree and he said…
‘So it’s not my fault then that I’m not the same as the other trees! I just haven’t been given the same care and help as the others.’
Robin nodded to show the tree that she agreed with him.
The tree felt better that it wasn’t his fault but still sad that he didn’t feel he had this thing called love. The Robin wanted desperately to give the tree what he needed but knew she wasn’t big enough to and needed help from the humans.
The very next day Robin asked everyone she knew how we could help this brave little tree, but sadly they didn’t know either. Just when Robin felt that there was no hope she heard a couple of humans walking through the field. She flew over to the tree and began to sing as loudly as she could so that they would hear.
The couple heard the singing and walked closer to hear it and then they noticed our brave little tree. They wanted to help the tree, so the first thing they did was give this brave tree a name…