What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the practice of accepting but simultaneously letting go of negative thoughts and emotions.
An analogy that many carers and adopters have found useful in our work together has been to imagine their thoughts and feelings as a loud radio, its broadcast is invasive and preoccupying. Much of the time people deal with these thoughts and feelings by trying to control them, we try to turn the radio off, to silence the pre-occupying thoughts and feelings. The problem with this approach is that it becomes pre-occupying in itself. This kind of judgemental attitude towards our inner worlds leads to pre-occupying worry about worry or sadness about sadness. We end up being constantly vigilant for thoughts or feelings we don’t want, it’s the classic “don’t think about a pink elephant” thought experiment.
The objective in mindfulness is to be “mindful” of our inner world, to observe it, describe it and accept it. In achieving this we turn the volume of our metaphorical radios down. We accept the presence of the radio but we can choose whether or not we attend to it and perhaps even which station we’d like to listen to.
Mindfulness is not something we can dive into and be good at straightaway. It takes practice and so I recommend taking at least 5 minutes a day to hone and sustain your mindfulness muscles.
Why is Mindfulness Particularly Helpful for Foster Carers and Adopters (and Other Professionals Working with Relationship Trauma)?
Parenting children, whose characters have been formed in environments of neglect and abuse, exposes Foster Carers and Adopters to some of the most intense and traumatising thoughts and feelings there are. Therefore a strategy for dealing with them is not only essential for the adults but also to help to prevent those difficult thoughts and feelings spilling back into their relationship with the traumatised child.
Another very important reason that Mindfulness can be helpful for Foster Carers and Adopters is that Mindfulness promotes self-acceptance and a non-judgemental attitude towards our inner worlds. Getting into this mind-set for ourselves is the first step towards being able to do the same for the very difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours of traumatised children.
Anyone exposed to the relational dynamics inherent in traumatising abuse and neglect can benefit from the self-acceptance and self-awareness that Mindfulness practice can bring. So, Social Workers, Teachers and Therapists might just like to indulge themselves in the world of Mindfulness too.
An Example of Mindfulness Practice
You might like to record yourself talking through the mindfulness session so you can play it back to yourself rather than worrying about remembering what to do. Alternatively, just read this section through several times and remember the main themes of the practice session.
Set yourself a time when you can be quiet and undisturbed.
Get yourself comfy in a relaxed, alert position. Sitting in a comfortable chair is ideal.
- Begin by drawing your attention to what you are experiencing right now. What thoughts are around? What feelings are around? What can you feel in your body? Notice all of these internal experiences. Don’t judge them, don’t fight them. Try describing them to yourself and then watch them float away. Notice as other thoughts, feelings and sensations come and watch them float away again. Do this for around 90 seconds.
- Now take your focus to the sensation of your breath in your belly. Concentrate on how your belly feels as you take a slow, deep breath in and again as you breathe out. If thoughts or feelings come along, observe them and focus back on the feelings of your breath. As you breathe out let all of the thoughts and feelings go. Try saying to yourself “it’s ok, let go” as you breathe out. Spend around 90 seconds doing this.
- Now broaden your focus to the experience of your breath in your whole body. Notice each area of your body and how it feels as you breathe in and then out deeply and slowly. If there are any strong feelings, thoughts or sensations around don’t judge yourself for them. Try saying to yourself “that’s ok, just let me feel it” and then focus back on the sensations of your breath in your body. Do this for around 90 seconds.
As you practice this more and more you may like to extend the amount of time you spend on each of the three sections of this practice.