For many, yes! But unfortunately possibly not for many of the adoptive families that we work with here at TCPS. Christmas can be a stress-filled time for many families but is often especially challenging for adoptive families for a number of reasons.
The nature of Christmas themed events is often confusing for children that thrive on routine and consistency. Christmas parties, fairs, Christmas tree farms and concerts can be loud and crowded and stressful. Children are often puzzled by the expectations of them at these events. Should they sing, run about, dance, stay close, explore? Not quite knowing how to act can feel overwhelming and end in distress. Unfortunately, the spontaneity and fun of these events can be lost in the anxiety they can create.
Schools, with all of the best intentions, create a number of fun, Christmas-themed events and activities in the week (or sometimes two!) prior to the Christmas break. Again, many adopted children benefit from the sense of safety and security that predictable routines provide. This is shaken up by Christmas festivities often leading to an increase in anxiety.
Finally, Christmas is often the only occasion each year when extended family members come together in one place. Again, this for many families is a much treasured time, but can also create stress and anxiety for children who perhaps can’t feel the same sense of safety and security when surrounded by people they don’t have well established relationships with.
We speak to expert parents every day and wanted to share some of the fantastic ideas they have shared with us around making Christmas a happier, calmer time. Thank you to our lovely families for spreading their fantastic wisdom!
We don’t wrap presents. The anticipation is too much for our son to bear so we leave them unwrapped and make sure they are all set up with batteries ready to be played with straight away.
We keep the build-up as low-key as possible. We put the tree up quite late in December and try not to talk about Christmas too much beforehand. Makes the day itself less pressured for us.
We avoid surprises and plan out the two-week Christmas break with the children and put it up in the kitchen so that everybody can see what is going to happen each day.
For us it’s about planning quiet days at home alongside days with family if its manageable. We also ask friends and family for vouchers for days out/family days to stop the mountain of presents arriving!
Christmas 'time' rather than Christmas 'day': We used to try and cram everything into one day - the presents, the visits, the food, the games... and we would all end up in absolute overload. We now celebrate 'Christmas time', which basically runs throughout December, where we make our special visits to family, have days where we watch movies or play games. We sometimes spread presents over a few days by purposefully not exchanging gifts with some family members until maybe Boxing Day or later. Somehow by thinking of it as a long and slow celebration it creates a much calmer platform for Christmas.
Christmas at school: Christmas plays, Christmas cards, Christmas crafts, calendars, carols, Christmas jumper day, Christmas party... it’s overwhelming! If it’s all too much for your child, talk to the teachers and see if there is a way some of this could be reduced or your child could opt out of some of this. Don't be afraid to say it won't be in your child's best interests to join in the school play, regardless of whether 'all the other children are doing it'. If your child really can't cope with the Christmas party then maybe arrange for an earlier pick up time, or ask that your child do a different activity.
There is no way of completely avoiding a change in routine over the Christmas period, so we always try to make this more manageable by using a visual timetable. We do ours for the whole of December so they can see clearly what is going on and when during 'Christmas time'. We try to spread out special activities and visits so there are a few days in between to recharge and go back to our normal routine.
We don’t do advent calendars where they can see all 24 days as the countdown just doesn’t work. Instead each night we leave a small bag for them in the morning with something small (but equal) in there. For example chocolate, or a very little toy, or stationary item etc. They cope better not having it visible every day in an advent calendar.
We only have Santa presents (from just us) for Christmas morning as all the presents are very overwhelming for them. We open the rest at different times during the day but also spread it over several days. We ask family to hold onto their presents and when we see them over the Christmas period the children open their presents then, so it spreads it out.
We spread out seeing family too even at times just spending Christmas Day the four of us at home and leaving seeing other family till the days before or after Christmas.
If you have more than one child try and make sure the amount of presents is the same, as if one has more to open than the other it doesn’t work.
We limit the amount we do over Christmas and especially in the run up to Christmas. We book one family day with their cousins seeing Father Christmas but make sure it’s somewhere with lots of other things to do so it’s a day out somewhere but Santa is tagged on.
WISHING ALL OF OUR LOVELY FAMILIES A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM EVERYONE AT TCPS x
