What is Child to Parent Violence?
Child to Parent Violence (CPV), also known as Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (APVA) or Parent Abuse (PA) has been gaining increasing attention in recent years and is a difficulty that many adoptive and foster families have experienced. Abusive behaviours can include (but are not limited to) using humiliating language and threats, belittling a parent, damaging or stealing property and heightened sexualised behaviours. There can also be patterns of coercive control with parents and or siblings feeling ‘held to ransom’ by young people and having to comply with more and more unreasonable demands. Of course, families might also experience episodes of explosive physical violence leaving them feeling frightened, powerless and humiliated.
How common is it?
Statistics regarding the prevalence and key characteristics of CPV are sketchy and it is recognised as being hugely under-reported. The national charity Family Lives runs a helpline for parents, and receives substantial numbers of phone calls from parents experiencing violence from their children. A 2010 study reported that between June 2008 and June 2010, the helpline received 22,537 phone calls from parents reporting aggression from their children, 7,000 of which involved physical aggression (Parentline Plus, 2010). Another study using information from the Metropolitan Police Service reported that in the 13 to 19 year old age group, most incidents reported to the police were of son to mother violence (Condry & Miles, 2014). Anecdotally however, I have worked with families managing frightening levels of violence from much younger children and from girls, parents and carers may be far more reluctant to go public with their struggles when this is the case.
Shame and embarrassment is a huge barrier to accessing help and even if this can be overcome, it can be hard to access the right help. Many adopters and fosterers are only too aware of how damaging punitive approaches can be to children and young people with rock-bottom self-esteem yet failing to address violence does no favours to the child and can have a devastating impact on the mental health and well-being of parents and siblings.
So what to do?
The types of services available to support families with CPV vary depending on geographical area but the first step is to reach out and speak to a trusted friend or professional about what is going on in your home. If there are other children at home, safeguarding must also be high on the agenda. Your adoption or fostering social worker may have up to date information about local services or you can call your local Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) for advice.
One approach which is gaining increasing recognition is Non Violent Resistance (NVR) which works with parents to better understand patterns of violence and re-build relationships between children and their parents. This approach is gaining particular attention amongst families and professionals in the looked-after system because of the frequency of violent or destructive behaviour amongst this group and an appreciation that traditional behavioural approaches can be counter-productive.
Haim Omer, one of the leading figures in NVR, has made explicit links between NVR and attachment theory. NVR talks about ‘parental presence’ which is the knowledge that children hold in their minds of how to behave, even when their parent is not around. Omer talks about parental presence as an ‘anchoring function’ with a similar theoretical underpinning as the ‘secure base’ we are familiar with from attachment theory (Omer, 2013).
When parents feel blamed, judged, ashamed and humiliated, confidence is undermined and so is parental presence. NVR aims to restore confidence, a sense of hope, and ultimately a meaningful relationship between the parent or carer and young person via a range of action-oriented techniques. Key to the approach is understanding patterns of violence and actively resisting being drawn into these. Parents and carers are also encouraged to strengthen their support network and this can include friends, family, neighbours and professionals. Parents or carers are given permission to reach out to their child or young person via acts of ‘reconciliation’ despite the unacceptable behaviour he or she is displaying. These gestures are not a ‘reward’ but rather a way of retaining a loving connection and demonstrating the parent or carer’s commitment to the child, even whilst resisting their violence.
Currently, the evidence base for the approach is in its infancy but early reports suggest that NVR can bring about short-term reductions in aggressive behaviour, reduce parental helplessness, lower levels of parental depression, and an overall improvement in parental well-being (Gleniusz, 2014).
There are other approaches being used to address CPV including solution-focused therapy, family therapy, attachment based approaches, and multi-modal approaches. However, in the foster and adoptive community, NVR seems to be generating a significant amount of interest and is included in the Adoption Support Fund (ASF) list of appropriate therapies. It is also felt to be a good fit with Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP) and there is increasing discussion amongst professionals working in this area about how to integrate ideas from both approaches.
Want to know more?
There are an increasing number of books and resources available on NVR if you’d like to know more:
Omer, H. (2004) Nonviolent Resistance: A New Approach to Violent and Self-Destructive Children. Cambridge University Press
Omer, H. (2011). The New Authority: Family, School and Community. Cambridge University Press
Partnership Projects is a practitioner-run resource providing information and training in NVR for practitioners and parents: http://www.partnershipprojectsuk.com/
There is also a website and blog run by a professional social worker which provides updates on research, practice and policymaking developments in the area of CPV: http://holesinthewall.co.uk/